guess I'd rather feel hurt than nothing at all ..

it's so beautiful outside! this weather just makes me want to forget everything and just breathe .. and honestly that's what I think I need to do ..

I keep flipping back and forth between genuinely caring and trying to let go .. I don't want to care and let it all consume me, but for some reason I miss him .. maybe I just miss feeling good about myself, but that is slowly starting to come back .. I'm trying to focus on loving myself, I just hate that I have to feel like someone else has to approve for me to do that ..

I genuinely want to be friends with him, without anything being awkward .. I miss just being able to open up and have that friendship and reliability .. that some sense of security and protection, even if it's just as friends ..