I Want To Be The Exception

Tonight, we continued our weeklong building program of movie night .. we watched He's Just Not That Into You, which just happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time! A friend from an another building came over and watched it with us .. even though it was about a million girls and one guy haha .. but it was a BLAST! I really enjoyed myself ..

A lot of the girls on my floor are starting to open up more and enjoy themselves around me .. I'm excited to start getting to know everybody better and not feel like the outsider or new kid, even though I guess I'm 'technically' in charge .. I think I'm starting to realize that I definitely made the right decision ..

but I still want to be the exception

A New Beginning

Wow .. what a whirlwind of a first year so far .. thank God I am done with work .. I honestly could not take it everyday anymore .. and figures, after I finish, I get a text from my boss about things people said within the 2 days I had left .. it's great to know who to trust now ..

I got an RA job at the college I go to, and moved in last Wednesday .. I met a TON of new people throughout training all week and weekend, and honestly had an absolute blast for the first time in a while .. times like these are making me think that I have started to make the right decisions in my life .. I need some positive reinforcement somewhere haha .. on my way to class today, so many people stopped and said hi or random things and it made me feel soo good, because that never really happened before .. I feel like such a nerd that I'm getting excited over this lol ..

tonight our building had a movie night, well, we're having it all week .. not many people showed, but it was still nice to just hang out and not really have a time frame or be anxious about anything .. it's strange to say, but I think I'm starting to be happy again .. it amazes me how something so simple like taking a new job and moving can change my whole outlook at school ..

Starting New .. ?

This time of the year makes me think more than usual .. like I need any help there .. I love my family, even with all the imperfections I can't stand .. I just feel like I'm missing something though .. Especially at this time of the year(s), I can't help but miss my best friend .. or at least, who that used to be .. I had no idea it was possible for someone to change so much .. you hear stories and watch shows and movies, but it doesn't seem real until it happens to you ..

I don't want you at all .. I miss the environment and person that you used to be, not anything close to the person you are now .. I miss how I felt in those moments, I miss feeling content .. I miss my best friend .. How do you fall out of love with somebody who doesn't exist anymore? How do you get closure? It's not the person, as it is the feelings that accompanied the person .. I miss the idea of being loved, but not by who you are now .. I miss being happy, but not with who you are now .. I miss your family and friends, but not you .. I guess I should have said, how do you fall out of love with the memory when you've already moved past main part .. Trying to get all of those firsts emotions and memories out of my life is the hard part .. I've moved past you, but how do I move past the memories?

How did you move past those so fast? How was I so blind to not see the person you are today under all those layers? How could I have let myself fall so hard, only to see you walk away a different person? How can you be happy with what you're doing today? Why was I so stupid to believe you ..