Starting New .. ?

This time of the year makes me think more than usual .. like I need any help there .. I love my family, even with all the imperfections I can't stand .. I just feel like I'm missing something though .. Especially at this time of the year(s), I can't help but miss my best friend .. or at least, who that used to be .. I had no idea it was possible for someone to change so much .. you hear stories and watch shows and movies, but it doesn't seem real until it happens to you ..

I don't want you at all .. I miss the environment and person that you used to be, not anything close to the person you are now .. I miss how I felt in those moments, I miss feeling content .. I miss my best friend .. How do you fall out of love with somebody who doesn't exist anymore? How do you get closure? It's not the person, as it is the feelings that accompanied the person .. I miss the idea of being loved, but not by who you are now .. I miss being happy, but not with who you are now .. I miss your family and friends, but not you .. I guess I should have said, how do you fall out of love with the memory when you've already moved past main part .. Trying to get all of those firsts emotions and memories out of my life is the hard part .. I've moved past you, but how do I move past the memories?

How did you move past those so fast? How was I so blind to not see the person you are today under all those layers? How could I have let myself fall so hard, only to see you walk away a different person? How can you be happy with what you're doing today? Why was I so stupid to believe you ..