this past month, I've been talking to another ra that I met at training .. and honestly, its been absolutely amazing .. I really would have never expected something like this at this point in my life .. we have so many things in common, it's somewhat scary .. we've been hanging out A LOT for the last month, and I've really started to fall for him .. it really scares me how fast I've fallen and how much I really care already .. but at the same time, I've never felt this way before about anyone ..
he has recently gotten out of a very long relationship and is still coming to grips with who he is and everything .. I've been there, and I can understand that it takes time .. but even though that disclaimer has been put out there, we act as though nothing is coming in between us .. I guess we're still 'talking,' but it's dating without the title .. I know he wants to be sure about everything and wants to give his all, but at the same time, I can't help but be insecure about everything and think something is wrong with me or that I am doing something wrong ..
last night, he ran into his recent ex and they talked for a good hour or so .. she was upset and wanted to talk to him .. he told me because he wants to be honest with me, which I respect .. he said watching her cry, he felt awful and couldn't help but want to hold her and comfort her .. I guess before they talked last night, he was completely content with nothing ever happening between them to again .. he thought he could just shut his feelings off that he had for the last 4 1/2 years .. they both agreed that they do not want to get back together, but it still scares him that the feeling of wanting to comfort her and still make sure everything was ok came back so fast ..
it hasn't been long so I understand that everyone needs their time .. but to me, it scares me how fast I've fallen and care for him .. I can honestly say that I can see myself being with him in the future .. but I'm terrified of getting hurt and caring too much .. I'm scared he's going to change his mind and not want to be with me ..
so what does all this mean? I'd pay a million dollars to find out! I wish I knew how to feel .. as much as I want to be the bitch and not care and say forget it, I can't do that .. that doesn't make me feel any better, that's just hurting me too .. I don't want to keep putting myself out there, but I can't help how I feel .. all I can do is pray that I understand what God has in store for me ..
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