What a whirlwind of a week! classes were cancelled all but one day last week =) but not I have more work than ever, because Lord knows nothing got accomplished with those 4 snow days!!! we had class yesterday, but got called off today again .. woohoo!
I've pretty much been a wreck lately .. I thought Valentine's Day was supposed to be happy and make you feel loved? mine was the exact opposite .. I wasn't expecting anything at all, since the boy says I already 'pressure' him to much as it is about being 'official.' so I didn't say anything about Valentine's Day or anything .. we got breakfast then came back to my room to hang out for a bit .. all was well and cute .. we were joking around and play wrestling/fighting/whatever and I accidently slapped him in the face. . as soon as I did it I just froze and wished on everything in my life that it was just a dream and that I was going to wake up, but that didn't happen .. for him, this is the one thing that gets him more than anything, and I instantly knew it and lost it ..
needlesstosay, we have not really been talking the last couple of days because of everything .. I truly do feel awful and have apologized numerous times, but I think I am to the point where I don't know what else I can do .. I want to work it out and I want him to believe me, but I can't do anything else to make that happen .. if this all ends over this incident, I'm going to be really sad and hurt by it .. I know it's my fault, but I'm truly willing to do anything to try and make it better .. I just hate that I have to ruin everything .. ughh ..
and .. yesterday when we were talking about everything that happened, I looked at his tv and saw a Valentine's Day card .. I asked who it was from and he said his ex has slipped it under his door .. this having been almost two days later, I was slightly ticked that he didn't say something to me about it .. it didn't even have to be a big deal, just hey, this is what happened just so you know .. it means nothing .. I told him it angered me and he said he got it after everything happened Sunday and when he was mad at me so he didn't tell me because of that .. I guess I understand, but I'm still ticked about it .. then I panic and think do I have a right for that to bother me? ughhh .. sooo confusing ..
the ex-girlfriend thing never bugged me until this last week, and it has been almost a month and a half since we've been hanging out .. first off, I didn't know she lived in the same building, which I just found out last week .. I am normally the typical jealous girl, but I wasn't for some reason .. but after all this has been happening, it's really been bugging me now .. I feel like I see her at least 3 times a day, and of course she is absolutely perfect .. she has the perfect family, perfect clothes, is done up to be gorgeous everyday no matter what, but looks so calm and collected about it .. and of course, she has his heart .. what more could she ask for .. I was stupid to think I would have compared to anything close to her .. I was dumb to think he would feel for me what he felt for her, especially so soon after .. I told him going into it that I didn't want to feel like the rebound and he assured me that that wasn't going to happen .. now, I can't help but feel like a rebound ..
maybe the issue that happened Sunday was the straw that broke the camel's back or the thing that's giving him an excuse to hide his feelings and not get hurt .. he keeps saying he doesn't want to hurt me, but the longer this and the excuses go on, my heart just breaks a little more each day ..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment