i need to focus on me .. how can i be me? who am i?

why do i still care so much .. it's completely obvious that nothing is going to happen .. people are sick of hearing about it .. soo why can't i just kick this ?!? is it the meaner someone is to you and the more they push you away the more you want them? i don't get it .. is that why i can't stop caring? i just get scared and get an anxious feeling in my stomach, but shouldn't .. i shouldn't care at all, but i can't help it .. ughhh ..

i know the more i care the more i annoy him and that pushes him away, which makes me want him more and it's just an awful circle .. i just want to relax and not care like i did at the beginning, but idk how to anymore .. i wanna just be chill and not care or be scared or anxious about anything .. i want to not care whether or not something happens .. i wanna focus on me, but i can't stop driving myself nuts !!!