this week was pretty decent .. I've been going to the gym more with friends and trying to be more active .. maybe by keeping busy I can distract my mind .. I talked to my ex last weekend, which is very shocking because it was an awful breakup and we talk maybe threetimes a year now .. it was a good conversation and it was nice to see that there is a possibility there of us being friends inthe future .. we had been best friends since we were nine and have basically cut off contact since we broke up a year and a half ago ..
I hung out with some of my guy friends from high school last weekend .. although they aren't my closest friends, it was nice to just and have a laid back time .. Easter was good, except by great great aunts husband who is 94 passed out in church and they sit right behind us .. scared the living daylight out of me .. he went to the hospital and ended up being ok; but it still freaked me out ..
this week has been ok with what all has been on my mind .. I'm trying to just let go and not let him realize that I care because that does nothing but make me vulernable .. I just hate that I can't just kick it, I feel so retarded .. i've let him approach me and kind of just taken a defensive approach .. why put myself out there? we've talked a little this week, but just small and somewhat meaningless conversation in passing or whatever .. I need to look of for me, but for some reason I still semi care .. I just want to be a good person and stop feeling so crappy and vulnerable .. it's got a little better, but I just want that magical moment to change it all ..
on a happy note, the weather has been absolutley gorgeous this week! I saw my favorite flower today, a deep purple tulip and it aS beautiful .. I love summer, but just hate that I'm stuck at the bank instead of being free and having fun .. I tried to find a different job, but the bottomline is I need that money and I won't get it working anywhere else just for a summer .. just gotta pray and ask God to get me through everything .. there's a reason for everything .. " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Phillipians 4:13
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