if it makes you happy, then why are you so sad ..

im sooo tired of being so anxious all the time .. i told him i needed to talk on Monday, so we talked for about a half and hour .. and he told me that him and his ex are now talking again and are trying to work things out .. he said he still loves her and he still loves him, but she's scared .. i told him he's always going to have that feeling no matter what, but he didn't expect that and still feels uncomfortable being with someone else knowing it's there .. i expected him to just take some time for himself, not to automatically jump back to her ..

ya, it kind of hurts, but at the same time he's been nothing but honest .. i have no reason to think anything bad of her and have heard nothing but good things about her, but part of me thinks if he hadn't been talking to me, then she wouldn't have said anything to him .. i think she kind of knew if she said something it'd make hi think and go back to her .. sometimes i feel like she knows him well enough to know what'll bug him and what'll bring him back .. i don't think she likes seeing that someone else can make him happy .. right now he's basically waiting for her and eating out of the palm of his hand ..

part of me feels bad because maybe he's being manipulated in some way, idk .. another part of me thinks he's stupid for just going back all of a sudden and forgetting everything .. they are ex's for a reason ..

there's just really no good way to look at it from my situation .. it's just a crappy situation all around and i don't like that .. i hate feeling like that girl .. as much as i told him i didn't wanna be, i was the rebound and i feel like i got played, even if he didn't mean it .. i feel like a bad person, even though i technically didn't do anything wrong .. i wrote her a message just apologizing if i hurt her feelings in anyway and if i interfered with anything, but i honestly didn't know there was a possibility of them getting back together until i was too invested .. i probably shouldn't have done that, but i want to let her know that i do genuinely feel bad, even if i don't agree with the situation that'd going on or how things are going down ..

i should stop worrying about it, because it's obviously done .. but i can't get it off my mind .. it just really confuses me ..

are you honestly in love with her and want to change to be with her or are you in love with the memory and what it used to be .. you have to know when to say when